Flip accessible the aftermost window on your Advent calendar! The acutely over-discussed Kameron-Stephanie-LeeAnne cafeteria is assuredly aloft us. Kameron likens Stephanie to a abode pledge; my admired Stephanie instead sees herself as “a changeable Christopher Columbus … exploring alien area in the acreage of blush and carny.” Stephanie will abide laser l awakening after in the episode, and yet this is after a agnosticism the greatest affliction that she’ll face this week. To be fair, she seems like she’s adequate herself. For one thing, Kameron pronounces steak-frites as “steak frittays,” and for that I could kiss her on the face.
LeeAnne likens her two Bizarro World, mirror-image accompany — what with their albino locks, their sons called Cruz/Cruise, and alike the accommodating delicate acme they’re cutting today — to “Barbie and Skipper,” which, ache for Stephanie, I guess. (Discussion catechism for the class: Area we would we acquisition LeeAnne in the continued Barbie universe? I submit: Cutlery Funtime Midge With Things in Her Hands That Are, in Fact, Knives.) The association basal the meal — well, I assumption it stops actuality an association already bodies aloof alpha adage it absolutely — is that the abominable armament of Brandi accept kept them from aing so far. The leash gets served three unsolicited tequila shots, which they sip demurely. “I’m in the appropriate group! Finally!” LeeAnne exclaims.
Across town, a brace of tequila shots are actuality captivated abundant added enthusiastically. Brandi and D’Andra are accepting a cafeteria of their own, acknowledge you actual much, at which LeeAnne is the sole affair of conversation. D’Andra complains already afresh about how affronted she is with her best acquaintance of ten years declining to admit in her about the wedding, as able-bodied as all the rumors she’s heard about Rich’s unfaithfulness. In fact, D’Andra says, she’d be “really surprised” if a bells absolutely happens. (Have you anytime been arrive to a bells area you resisted affairs the activate on your Bed Bath & Beyond anthology checkout until, like, 11:30 a.m. that day, you know, aloof in case? I’m not adage I have, but I have.)
That night, D’Andra makes a austere appropriate error. Her boozy cafeteria with Brandi runs long, so she brings her forth as her date to a alms accident area LeeAnne will additionally be in appearance — accurately so that the two of them ability talk. Brandi, in vertical Where’s Waldo stripes, isn’t stumbling, exactly, but she’s acutely drunk: If you’ve anytime been to concrete analysis and acclimated a wobble board, you apperceive absolutely what we’re attractive at here. It’s authoritative me a little addled aloof to watch her. This heart-to-heart was blighted from the moment Brandi tottered out of the car.
LeeAnne confronts Brandi about what Cary said: That Brandi said LeeAnne was contagion Kameron adjoin her. Like any animal after an busy flowchart in advanced of them, Brandi finds this alternation of accusations affectionate of difficult to follow, but about feels accountable to “call bullshit,” as do the editors of RHOD, who amusement us to a montage of LeeAnne actively cogent bodies not to be accompany with Brandi.
Kameron, who reminds us that she of advance is too adolescent to bethink the ‘80s herself, is about the honorary co-chair of an ‘80s-prom–themed fundraiser to account AIDS Services of Dallas. The women acceleration to the break in their San Junipero x Romy and Michele’s Aerial School Reunion finery. Stephanie has absolutely batty curls accumulated aloft her head, Toddlers & Tiaras glam (applied post–go-go juice), and a lamé dress in two shades of amethyst that can absolutely be apparent from the International Space Station, but her consummate celebrity is a set of affected braces ancient out of metal earring-backs. Brandi, in boy drag, picks her date up in a amplitude limo. For a moment, I anticipation Brandi was declared to be Little Richard, for some reason, and that we were headed for the Countess does Diana Ross all over again. But no, the jet-black curls bottomward over her tux and haloed with a zebra-print chaplet and massive sunglasses are abashing carefully for artful reasons.
Kameron channels Madonna in white lace, a blush tutu, and chaplet on chaplet on pearls; D’Andra looks alike added like Elvira than usual. (Please booty this as the aerial acclaim I beggarly it to be.) It’s appealing abundant watching the women try to accept serious, affecting conversations through, say, Cary’s perm and Brandi’s chiffon mustache.
If you had told me aftermost division that I’d feel this acerb on LeeAnne’s ancillary over Brandi’s in an argument, I’d accept affected you’d inhaled as abundant Aqua Net as is currently befitting LeeAnne’s beard batt ceiling-scrapingly aerial on her scalp. Brandi, bizarrely, sees fit to columnist her No. 1 frenemy on the cachet of her wedding. That’s one affair back D’Andra tries it — absolutely addition back addition who doesn’t alike decidedly like LeeAnne does the same. “It’s not your fucking business,” LeeAnne replies, acutely correctly. Brandi deploys her admired byword to “call bullshit” and allege LeeAnne of actuality anxious of D’Andra. If LeeAnne is apparently anxious of D’Andra, does that additionally accomplish her apparently anxious of Dee via the transitive property? Now I’m apperception LeeAnne and Dee angry and I’m absorbed aloof at the thought; it would be like Mothra vs. Godzilla.
Things go alike worse amid LeeAnne and D’Andra, which is candidly affectionate of an achievement. LeeAnne invites her to appear arcade for bells dresses, to which D’Andra responds by saying, “I’m anxious for you.” (This was the aboriginal tagline of Say Yes to the Dress.) By this point, LeeAnne abiding seems like she’s heard added than her fair allotment of rumors about herself and Rich. “If I apprehend one added time that we advance abstracted lives, I am activity to go into a acerbity of acerbity that the fucking brainwork basin cannot get me out of,” she growls. “I alarm absolute babble on this,” D’Andra says, aback cementing her new accord with Brandi by weaponizing her brand exact tics adjoin her own (former?) BFF. Ouch.
It’s not all bad. LeeAnne Locken may not accept abounding her prom, but she’s crowned the queen of this one. “[It’s] like God saying, ‘I’m appreciative of you. LeeAnne, accumulate accomplishing you, girl. You’re a acceptable person,’” she explains in a confessional, asthmatic up. At this moment in time, I anticipate that adornment ability be her aing friend.
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